Nightmare Stage

[Ninetalesuk]

This is one of my old stories I did a couple of years ago and it still gives me some giggles. Read this:

[Ninetalesuk]

NIGHTMARE STAGE.
By Ninetalesuk.

*Flea Bite Cafe*

(Charlie, Sasha, Ninetalesuk, Shaina, Ashley, Shane, Ruby, Scamp, Angel,
Danielle, Ace and Angus were getting the customers out. Charlie sat down at
the table and sighed).

ANGUS:Och, you looked a bit tired, cus.
CHARLIE:Angus, the day when you arrived here, I thought depression was my
best friend.
SASHA:One time, Charlie. I was being stalked by the kindness fairy!
ANGUS:When can I meet this fairy?
SASHA:Never mind.
ANGUS:Because if you ARE a bit tired, I know what make you happy.
CHARLIE:What?
ANGUS:I give you a clue, hes the most funny man in England and his name is
the same name as yours. Guess. Guess.
NINETALESUK:Charlie Chaplin.
ANGUS:Aye! Yer got it! Does anyone like him?
EVERYONE (Except Angus):NO!
ANGUS:Why not?
CHARLIE:Because I don't. I find his films funny as getting a arrow through
the neck and then discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.
ANGUS:But..., but...,
ASHLEY:No 'but's, Angus. We don't find Charlie Chaplin funny!
SHANE:What about Charlie BARKIN?
ASHLEY:Very funny(!)
ANGUS:All right, I'll ask another person if her/she likes Chaplin or not!

(Enters Slowbro).

SLOWBRO:Hello.
ANGUS:Slowbro, Charlie Chaplin. What do you make of him?
SLOWBRO:Hes funny as Tim Taylor keeps hitting the pipe in his basement of
'Home Improvement'!
ANGUS:Ah, good.
SLOWBRO:One question... Whos Charlie Chaplin?
ANGUS:Erm....
NINETALESUK:(Looking at the readers) Just put that in for a joke. Not funny,
is it?
DANIELLE:Listen Angus... You and Slowbro may find him funny, but we don't!
Those films of his are oldies. We perfer modern comedy. Like 'Boy meets
World', 'Smart Guy', 'Home Improvment' or 'Brotherly Love'.
NINETALESUK:And what about British comedy like 'Dad's Army', 'Blackadder',
'Only Fools and Horses' or 'Vicar of Dibley'? How about that?
ANGUS:Well....
ACE:Forget about this, Angus. We better get home....
SLOWBRO:What about the evil Russians of World War 1?
SHAINA:What about them?
SLOWBRO:They overthrow their leader, Nicholas the second who used to be
bizarre!
NINETALESUK:Who used to be the Czar, Slowbro. And, the Russians were on OUR
side, you fool! Now, why did you brought that up?
SLOWBRO:No idea.
SCAMP:Anyone who wants to go home, put their paws up.

(Everyone, except Angus and Slowbro, put their paws up).

SCAMP:All right! Home, everyone!

(But, before they can get to the door, Sir Antony Ol'Bulldog came in).

ANTONY:Hello, everyone.
RUBY:No time, Anty! We want to get home!
ANTONY:Don't you want to hear what I have to say?
ANGEL:No.
ANTONY:Okay. Annabelle wants to move me to Japan.
NINETALESUK:Didn't you hear here, she said.... Annabelle wants to move you to
Japan?
ANTONY:Yes! IF I can make a couple of night shows to do like in the army my
old owner used to do before he died. All I need to do is find the director.
CHARLIE:And, how your going to do that?
ANTONY:I'll ask them a couple of questions. Like this:Do you like Charlie
Chapin?
CHARLIE:Ah... Angus, Slowbro, you two can go now.

(Angus and Slowbro nodded and went to the door. Charlie whispered to the
others).

CHARLIE:I'll become the producer. This town is not big enough for 3 morons!
The sooner we get this moron to Japan, we'll have 2 idiots to deal with!
SASHA:Right!
CHARLIE:(Turns back to Antony):Do you like Charlie Chaplin? Yes, that is a
good question. To which my answer would be is yes!
ANTONY:Excellent. Second question is:Do you like music halls?
CHARLIE:Another good question, which my answers is, again, yes!
ANTONY:Well, if anyone answers those questions with yes in BOTH of them, it
comes to me tha... wait a minute! You are the perfect dog for the job!
CHARLIE:Really? So I am.
ASHLEY:Way to go, Charlie!
ANTONY:Make a couple of shows and I think you'll do fine!

(Antony left. Charlie smiled).

CHARLIE:Everything is coming according to my idea.
NINETALESUK:Thats great, Charlie!
SASHA:You really do have a brain, Charlie.
CHARLIE:Yeah, I d----

(Charlie stood there, thinking. Sasha laughed and kissed Charlie on the
cheek).

SASHA:Ninetales, whats the plan?
NINETALESUK:Okay. Tomorrow, we'll find some acts and the day after that, show
time!
SHAINA:Awesome!

(Shaina snuggled into Ninetalesuk).

SHAINA:I wonder what it'll be.
NINETALESUK:Well, we'll find out tomorrow. Right, director?

(Unknown what they were talking about, Charlie finally came out his trance).

CHARLIE:What?

[Ninetalesuk]

*Flea Bite Cafe. Next day...*

(Charlie, Sasha, Scamp and Angel were at a table. Ninetalesuk and Shaina
stood beside it. Itchy and Bess were serving the bar. The customers were
watching them).

CHARLIE:All right. In the second half, we have Vult and Growlithe as the
Three Silly Twits.
SASHA:Good, good.
CHARLIE:The big joke is theres only two of them.
ANGEL:I thought Eevee is gonna be the third twit?
SCAMP:He was till he suddenly said he doesn't want to be twit. Huh, speaking
from a Pokemon that danced stupid at the S Club 7 song, 'Reach for the Stars'!
CHARLIE:Followed by Slowbro's impression of Charlie Chaplin.

(Slowbro walked up to the table, placed a bowler hat on and pulls a Chaplin
face. None are amused till Ninetalesuk spoke).

NINETALESUK:Right! I have one. Shaina, take a telegram. Remember, this is a
joke.
SHAINA:I'm ready!
NINETALESUK:All right. Mr C. Chaplin, Sennett Studios, Hollywood, California.
'Congrats. Stop. Have discovered only person in the world less funny than
you. Stop. Name-Slowbro. Stop. Yours N. Fox.'
SHAINA:Got it.
NINETALESUK:Put a PS. 'Please please please-stop.'

(Some people laughed till Charlie spoke up).

CHARLIE:And then after that we also have, ladies and gentlemen, the highlight
of our show!
ITCHY:Taa daa!

(Enters Angus, in full drag. Everyone laughed at the sight).

ANGUS:I feel fantastic!!
CHARLIE:Wonderful Angelia! The traditional drag act since Ol'Bulldog's master
was in the army. The drag act is a traditional soldier's act!
SLOWBRO:You look absolutely lovely, Angus.
ANGUS:Och, thank you.
SCAMP:Slowbro, you are either lying, blind or mad.
CHARLIE:Yeah.
NINETALESUK:Angus McBarkin looks as all soldiers look on these
occasions-about as feminine as W. G Grace! What are you gonna give 'em, Angus?
ANGUS:Well, I thought one or two cheeky gags followed by 'She was only the
ironmonger's daughter, but she knew a surprising amount about fish as well'.
ACE:I only hope the audience understand THAT quote!!
CHARLIE:Well, I'm inspired(!) If I am lying, I would say...
EVERYONE:Yes?
CHARLIE:Correct. At least you've made effort with the dress, Angus. Whats
yours Slowbro?
SLOWBRO:I'm in it.
CHARLIE:I see. So, your Charlie Chaplin costume consists of that hat?
SLOWBRO:Thats right, Charlie.

(Growlithe and Vult enters, dressed silly. Vullen, Eevee and his 5 evolved
forms came in after them, while they were laughing).

VULT:We feel stupid!!!
NINETALESUK:Thats why its called the 3 Silly Twits! You should have Slowbro
on your team. His costume is just a hat!
SLOWBRO:Yep, except that in this box I have a dead slug as a brilliant flase
moustache.

(Slowbro takes it out. The pups all said 'yuck' and 'gross'. Ninetalesuk
noticed a little flaw).

NINETALESUK:Hmmmm, yes, only QUITE brilliant, I fear. How, for instance, are
you to attach it to your face?
SLOWBRO:Well, I was hoping I could persuade the slug to cling on.

(Everyone shook their heads, except Angus, at Slowbro's stupidity).

NINETALESUK:Slowbro, the slug is dead! If it failed to cling on to life then
I see no reason why it should wish to cling to your upper lip. Anyway, you
don't have an upper lip.
SLOWBRO:Oh.

(Everyone loses intrest and went on with the things they want to do. Angus
beckons Slowbro over to him).

ANGUS:Slowbro, Slowbro, slugs are always a problem. What you've got to do is
screw your face up like this, you see, and then you can clamp it between your
nose and your upper lip.
SLOWBRO:I don't have an upper lip.
ANGUS:Hmmm, och, this is going to be tough. Ah, I got it! Bend backwards and
balance the slug on your nose.
SLOWBRO:All right. I'll try that one.

(Slowbro bended backwards and placed the slug on his nose).

SLOWBRO:Howzat?
ANGUS:Excellent, mon. Excellent. Charlie, Charlie! Theres a visitor to see
you!

(Charlie looked up).

CHARLIE:Good Lord-Mr Chaplin! This is indeed an honour. Why, its calls for
some sort of celebration. Slowbro! Slowbro!

(Angus was rolling with laughter and Slowbro stood up after removing the
slug).

ANGUS:Charlie, that is extraordinary! Because, you see, this isn't Chaplin at
all! This is really our dopey friend, Slowbro!
SLOWBRO:Its me, everyone!!
CHARLIE:I know. I know-I was using a little trick. Whats the trick called,
Ninetales?
NINETALESUK:You were being sarcastic!
CHARLIE:Correct!
ANGUS:Oh, I see...
CHARLIE:Everything goes over you head, doesn't it, Angus.
ANGUS:Yes, it does. Yes, it does.
NINETALESUK:Go to Jamaica and become a limbo dancer since everything goes
above your mad head.

(Everyone chuckled....)

*Wings of the Theatre*

(Angus is taking a bow on stage, with an armful of flowers. There is a roar
of wild applause. More flowers are thrown at Angus. Charlie, Sasha,
Ninetalesuk, Shaina, Scamp, Angel, Growlithe, Vult, Vullen and Slowbro were
at the backstage).

SASHA:They love him, Charlie-we're a hit!
CHARLIE:Yeah, we are!
NINETALESUK:Yep. In one short evening, we have become the most successful
impresario since the manager of the Roman Colosseum put Asterix and the lions
on the same bill. Though, Asterix had some magic potion that gives him
super-human strength, he beated the lions and went back home.
SLOWBRO:Hey, Charlie. Some people seem to think I was best-would you agree?
NINETALESUK:Slowbro-in the Amazonian rain forests there are tribes of Indians
as yet untouched by civilization who have developed more convincing Charlie
Chaplin impressions than yours.
SLOWBRO:(Really happy) Thank you very much, Ninetales!

(Slowbro gave Ninetalesuk a big hug. Problem was, it was a strong grip.
Ninetalesuk was blue in the face).

NINETALESUK:Shaina....
SHAINA:Yeah?
NINETALESUK:I love you....
SHAINA:Loosen the grip, Slowbro.

(Slowbro let Ninetalesuk go and watched the fox fall to the ground).

NINETALESUK:Thanks....
GROWLITHE:What do you think of our act?
SCAMP:It was good. Have you ever heard of '3 Men and a Baby'?
GROWLITHE:Yeah.
SCAMP:Well, we should rename the title of the 3 Silly Twits to.... 2 Vulpixs
and a Growlithe.
ANGEL:I can't belive you joined Vult and Growlithe, Vullen.
VULLEN:Neither can I! I must be outta my head!
NINETALESUK:Know what I think? You have feelings for Vult.
VULLEN:I do not!
NINETALESUK:Yes, you do!
VULLEN:No I don't!
NINETALESUK:This can go on all night!
SASHA:Hes coming out.

(Angus stepped into the backstage, still holding the flowers in his arms).

ANGUS:Boy, I love the theatre. Its in my blood and in my soul. Slowbro, put
those some water will you?

(Angus toss the flowers to Slowbro).

SLOWBRO:Okay, Angus.

(Slowbro puts the flowers upside down in the fire bucket hanging on the wall).

ANGUS:I need that applause in just the same way that an ostler needs his....
ostle.
SHAINA:I have to admit, you done well, Angus!
ANGUS:Oh, no-really, I was hopeless, wasn't I? Tell me honestly, Charlie,
Ninetales, because I was, wasn't I? Out with it, cus. I was hopeless. Now,
you're trying to be nice, and that's very sweet of you, Ninetales, but,
please, come on, I can take it, I was hopeless.
CHARLIE:Angus! Shut up!
NINETALESUK:Angus, you were the most rubbish acting woman I ever saw.

(Angus broke down into tears).

NINETALESUK:But, you can not argue with the box office. Personally, I thought
you were the least convincing female impressionist since Tarzan went through
Jane's handbag and ate her lipstick, but I'm clearly in a minority. Look out
Japan. Sir Antony Ol'Bulldog is coming to your country!

*Sir Antony's House*

(Ninetalesuk, Shaina, Charlie, Sasha, Scamp and Angel entered a big dining
room where Nidorino sat behind a desk).

NINETALESUK:Ah, Nidorino.
NIDORINO:Ah, Ninetales. And, how was your night?
NINETALESUK:Box office went through the roof.
NIDORINO:Excellent. Couldn't go to the show, Antony wants me to help him pack
up.
SHAINA:Its all right!
NIDORINO:He also had some important regimental business.
CHARLIE:A lorry load of paperclips arrived?
NIDORINO:Two lorry loads actually.

(They all laughed at that little joke until Antony entered).

ANTONY:There is the great director!
CHARLIE:Enjoyed the evening?
ANTONY:Well, it was mostly awful but I did enjoy the slug-balancer.

(Shaina, Sasha and Angel tried not to laugh).

SCAMP:That was Slowbro, sir.
ANTONY:Thats right. Slug fell off a couple of times but you can't have
everything, can you? I just suggest a bit more practise and perhaps a little
sparkly costume for the slug.

(The 3 girls broke into laughter).

NIDORINO:Whats up with them?
SCAMP:They found the slug amusing.
ANTONY:But I do belive that show was a triumph! I'll be leaving at the start
of next week!
NINETALESUK:All right for you, sir!
ANTONY:Thank you. However, there is one small thing you might do for me.
CHARLIE:Yes?
ANTONY:Charlie B. Barkin, I should esteem it a signal honour if you would
allow me to escort your leading lady to the Regimental Ball this evening.

(Charlie, Sasha, Ninetalesuk, Shaina, Scamp and Angel were surprised of
hearing this).

CHARLIE:My leading lady?
ANTONY:The fair Angelia!
NINETALESUK:Ha! Very amusing!
ANTONY:Do you think she'll laugh in my face-I'm too old, too crusty?

(Sasha whispered to Shaina).

SASHA:I knew it wouldn't last! Hes in love with Angus!
SHAINA:What a nightmare!

(Charlie and Ninetalesuk tried to stay on track).

NINETALESUK:No, no, no, its just that since Charlie is her director, I'm
afraid he will not allow it.
CHARLIE:Thats right.
ANTONY:We can always find another director who WOULD allow it!
CHARLIE:Quite. Well, we'll see what we can do. But I must insist that she be
home by midnight and she must not be drunk, whatso-ever.
ANTONY:I shall, of course, respect your wishes, Charlie, although I'm not
sure you need to be quite so protective. I'm sure shes a girl with a great
deal more spunk than most female dogs you find.
NINETALESUK:Uh oh...

[Ninetalesuk]

*Flea Bite Cafe*

(Charlie and Sasha sat at the couch. Sasha slept on Charlie while Ninetalesuk
paced around the floor with Shaina in the middle. Scamp, Angel, Lady, Tramp,
Danielle, Ace, Annette, Collette, Itchy, Bess, Ashley, Flo, Hunter, Colleen,
Balto, Jenna, Star, Dixie, Shane, Ruby and Charleon were everywhere. In one
corner, the other Pokemon friends were looking after the sleeping pups).

SHAINA:Ninetales, settle down!
NINETALESUK:I will once Angus gets back! It's two o'clock in the morning!
CHARLEON:I want to go home now, Ninetales. I got a date tomorrow.
BESS:How did you get a date?
CHARLEON:Easy, I hid in her locker! Now, I must think of a poem. Hows this...?
'There was once a guy in a locker.'
SCAMP:'Who just got a date, what a shocker!'
CHARLIE:Look, why don't we all go to bed? Its two o'clock in the morning,
only creeps and weirdos stay up at this hour.

(Enters Noctowl).

NOCTOWL:How ya doin'?
ACE:Noctowl, what are you doing up so late?
NOCTOWL:I'm a night time Pokemon that stays up all night.
ACE:Oh....
NOCTOWL:I'm surprised to see you up this late since only creeps and weirdos
stay up at 2 o'clock in the morning.

(Enters Slowbro).

SLOWBRO:How ya doin'?
COLLEEN:You didn't told us you were a night time Pokemon.
SLOWBRO:I didn't? What time is it?
LADY:Night.
SLOWBRO:Its night time?
NINETALESUK:Slowbro is so dumb, he has no idea HOW to sleep.
SLOWBRO:If its night time, why are you up? Only creeps and weirdos stay up.

(Enters Angus, in his dress, carrying a bunch of roses. Charlie slowly placed
Sasha on the couch and walked over to Angus. Except, Sasha woke up and
watched what was happening).

ANGUS:How ya doin'?
CHARLIE:About time. Where the heck you been?
ANGUS:Oh, I don't know..... it's all been like a dream, my very first ball!
The music, the dancing, the champagne, my mind's a mad whirl of
half-whispered conversation with the promise of indiscretion ever hanging in
the air.
NINETALESUK:Oh-did Ol'Bulldog try for a kiss behind the fruit cup?
ANGUS:Och, no, mon. Ol'Bulldog behaved like a perfect gentleman. We tired the
moon with our talking about everything and nothing; the Digimon, Pokemon,
marriage, the proposed changes to the LBW rule....
TRAMP:All right, thats enough!

(Everyone was quiet till Sasha spoke up).

SASHA:Ol'Bulldog isn't married, is he?
ANGUS:No, no, all his life he's been waiting to meet the perfect woman...and
then, at last, tonight, he did.
SHANE:Did some poor gal had the mutt dribbling in her all evening, did she?
ANGUS:Oh yes, as a matter of fact in the end I did have to drape a napkin on
my shoulder.

(Charlie slowly advance towards Angus while the others had all a worried look
on their faces).

CHARLIE:Angus, are you trying to tell us all that YOUR Ol'Bulldog's perfect's
woman?
ANGUS:Well, yes, I.... rather think I am.

(Charlie went back to the couch and sat beside Sasha in a stunned face. Sasha
tried to comfort Charlie so not to be too worried).

CHARLIE:This is the worst night of my life!
SASHA:You said it!
NINETALESUK:Well, thank the Lord that the horny old blighter didn't ask you
to marry him.

(Angus flutters coyly behind the roses he is holding. Everyone was shocked
till Ninetalesuk spoke again).

NINETALESUK:He did?!

(Angus looks coy again).

NINETALESUK:Well, how did you get out of that one?
ANGUS:Well, to be honest, Ninetales. I'm not absolutely certain that I did.
NINETALESUK:What?!
ANGUS:You can't understand what it was like, Ninetales-the candles, the
music, the British accent-I don't know what came over me.
NINETALESUK:You said yes?
ANGUS:Ahuh. Sorry, it could be good. He used to have a boat.
SCAMP:He used to have a VOTE, Angus!
ANGUS:Oh.... but, I didn't really feel I could refuse... he might have had me
court-martialled since hes a general.
CHARLIE:Whereas on the other hand, of course, hes going to give you the
Victoria Cross when he lifts up your frock on the wedding night and finds
himself looking at the last idiot who would dress up as a woman?!!!
ANGUS:Oh, dear....
SCAMP:Angus, what have you gotten us into?! Hes gonna shoot us all for this!!!
ANGEL:No WAY hes gonna shoot our children!
ANGUS:Look, I know it's a mess, but he got me all softy and then when he
looked deep into my eyes, and said, 'Chipmunk, I love you', I just....
NINETALESUK:Chipmunk?!?!?
ANGUS:Aye, you see its his special name for me you see because he said my
nose looks just like a chipmunk's nose.
NINETALESUK:Oh, no, no, no, no, no! If Ol'Bulldog ever finds out that the
beautiful Angelia is nothing more than a mad mutt who thinks a Magikarp is
the most dangerous Pokemon in the entire world, it could be the fastest
execution since someone once said 'This Guy Fawkes bloke, do we let him off,
or what?'

(Charlie got up from the couch and headed to the door).

SASHA:Where are you going?
CHARLIE:To find Arty Frank La'Fleur and see if he can get us outta San
Fransico.
ANGUS:Good idea.
NOCTOWL:YOUR staying here. Your getting married.

(The phone started to ring).

CHARLIE:I'm not in!

(Slowbro answered the phone).

SLOWBRO:Hello. No, Charlies not here. Hes gone out. I don't know where. Where
you gone off to, Charlie, sir?

(Charlie stopped and screamed. Ninetalesuk sighed and took the phone from
Slowbro).

NINETALESUK:Hello? Yes, yes, we're on our way. (Places phone down and looked
at Angus) That was your fiancee... Chipmunk. He wants to see me, Scamp,
Charlie and our girls at once. If we all die, think only this of us-we'll be
back to get ya!

*Sir Antony's House*

(Charlie, Sasha, Ninetalesuk, Shaina, Scamp and Angel entered the room where
Antony and Nidorino, still in their dress, stood behind the desk. Nidorino
looked like he was ready to burst into laughter).

SCAMP:Antony! We can explain everything!
ANTONY:Can you, Scamp? Can you?
SCAMP:Well, no, not really.
ANTONY:I thought not, I thought not. I'll be leaving next Monday and tonight,
i have found the woman of my dreams. I'm in love with Angelia, everyone. I'm
going to marry her on Saturday and I want you, Charlie, to be my best man.

(Charlie gulped. Everything looked hopeless till Ninetalesuk suddenly thought
up an idea).

NINETALESUK:I don't think that would be a very good idea, Antony.
ANTONY:And, why not?
CHARLIE:Why not?
SASHA:Why not?
SHAINA:Why not?
SCAMP:Why not?
ANGEL:Why not?
NIDORINO:Yeah, why not?
NINETALESUK:Because, Antony, theres something wrong with your fiancee.
ANTONY:Oh no! Shes not an alien, is she?
NINETALESUK:No. Do you know the small battlefield in the Park?
ANTONY:Yes, Belladonna put it there. Since no one has ever stepped on that
area since it has all mines there. At 6.00am today, shes going to remove the
mines. Why do you say that?
NINETALESUK:You see, it's a terrible story but, true. Just a few minutes ago,
Angelia arrived unexpectedly in the cafe. She was literally dancing with joy,
as though something wonderful had happened to her...
ANTONY:Makes sense.
NINETALESUK:Unfortunately, she was in such a daze, she danced straight
through the cafe and out into the streets and went into the park and danced
straight into the small battlefield. I tried to stop her, but before I could
say 'Don't tread on a mine,' she trod on a mine.

(Antony's heart snaps. Charlie, Sasha, Scamp, Angel and Shaina smiled. They
know what Ninetalesuk was thinking).

NINETALESUK:Well, I say a mine, it was more a cluster of mines and she was
blown to smithereens, and she rocketed up into the air, she said something
that I couldn't quite catch, Ol'Bulldog-totally incomprehensible to
me-something like 'Tell him his little Chipmunk will love him for ever.'
ANTONY:Oh, howl, howl, howl. (Sound is deep and tragic).
NIDORINO:Its really heartbreaking, isn't it?
ANGEL:I'm so sorry, Antony.
ANTONY:(Swiftly recovers and completely back to normal) Can't be helped.
Can't be helped.
NINETALESUK:Jolly bad luck for you, sir.
ANTONY:Hey ho. But, with the wonderful Angelia dead, whos going to be your
new leading lady for tonight's show?

(Charlie and Ninetalesuk looked at each other then, looked at Antony).

NINETALESUK:Well, its funny you should that, Antony...
CHARLIE:Yeah, because we think we already have found another leading lady.
ANTONY:Who is she?
NIDORINO:Who is she?
SCAMP:Who is she?
ANGEL:Who is she?
SASHA:Who is she?
SHAINA:Who is she?

*Flea Bite Cafe*

(Ninetalesuk, Charlie, Sasha, Shaina, Scamp, Angel, Danielle, Ace, Arty and
Angus were deep in conversation).

ANGUS:So, come on, Charlie, Ninetales, who is she?
NINETALESUK:Thats the problem, Angus! I have no idea! We're in so much
trouble!

(Slowbro walked up to the table, dressed in a dress with a hat and a shawl).

SLOWBRO:Not any longer, my friends...... May I present my cunning plan!
CHARLIE:Don't be ridiculous, Slowbro! Can you sign? Can you dance? Or are you
offering to be sawn in half?
SLOWBRO:Oh, I don't think those things are important in a modern marriag,
Charlie-I offer simple home-cooking.
ACE:Slowbro, our plan is to find a new leading lady for our show tonight....
Whats your plan?
SLOWBRO:My plan is that I will marry Sir Antony Ol'Bulldog. I am the other
woman.
ANGUS:Ah, well, congradulations, Slowbro. I hope you'll be very happy.
SLOWBRO:I will be, Angus. What do you think of my plan?
NINETALESUK:In a kind word or a bad word?
SLOWBRO:Erm....
NINETALESUK:Never mind..... we got to get another leading lady!!!

(Gerta walked up to Sasha).

GERTA:Hey, Sasha! What time will you go up on stage and sign?
SASHA:Erm... I'll be there in 30 minutes.
GERTA:Right!
NINETALESUK:What am I doing? Sasha!
ANGUS:Ninetales, what a brilliant idea! Sasha, can you think of anyone who
could be our leading lady for tonight?

(The others glared at him, except Slowbro. Angus soon got the idea that it
was Sasha who'll be the leading lady....)

[Ninetalesuk]

*Wings of the Theatre*

(Sasha is taking curtsies on stage, blowing kisses and holding an armful of
flowers. There is tumultuous applause. Sasha slowly went backwards and gone
behind the curtains. At the backstage, her friends were waiting. Charlie,
Ninetalesuk, Shaina, Shane, Ruby, Slowbro, Angus, Growlithe, Vult, Vullen,
Scamp, Angel and Gerta were waiting).

SASHA:What do you guys think?
CHARLIE:You were so wonderful out there, Sasha.
SASHA:Thank you, Charlie.
SHANE:Best news is that Antony will soon go to Japan and we will have 2
idiots remaining.
SLOWBRO:Shame. Because, I thought it would be wonderful for me and my little
partner, Graham, doing our Charlie Chaplin around the world.

(Slowbro took the slug out of the box, leans back and places it on his nose).

NINETALESUK:Yes-from New Orlandos of Amercia to Gosport of England, they will
be saying, 'I like the little black one, but who's that moron he's sitting
on?'
SLOWBRO:I'm not with you, Ninetales.
NINETALESUK:Of course not.

(Slowbro places the slug back in the box and handed it to Ninetalesuk).

SCAMP:Nothing in this world will stop Antony from going to Japan!!!

(Itchy, Bess, Danielle and Ace ran up to the group. They were very worried).

ITCHY:Charlie! Charlie!!!!
CHARLIE:Itch! Whats wrong?
ITCHY:Its Antony! Hes not going?
SASHA:What?! How come?!
BESS:He said he had the worst evening ever!!!
GROWLITHE:Wha...? How come?
BESS:He said that the 3 twits were one twit short, AGAIN and he was hoping
the third one would be a MALE!!! He said the slug balancer seems now to be
doing some feeble impression of Buster Keaton!! And, worst of all to HIM, the
drag act!
VULLEN:Drag act?!?!?
DANIELLE:Yeah! He said it was horrible to see Shane dressed up in a dress
with the voice and the dancing!!!
NINETALESUK:I don't belive this mutt! He thought Angus was a female and he
thinks Sasha was a male!!! I don't belive this goon!!!
CHARLIE:Your right there!

(Ninetalesuk looked at the box and smiled. He handed it to Ace).

NINETALESUK:Here, take this to Antony.
ACE:Is this the dead slug?
NINETALESUK:Yep... but, tell him its a liquorice allsort.
ACE:Right!

(Ninetalesuk took Shaina's paw and started to walk away).

NINETALESUK:I'm getting outta here. Coming, Shaina?
SHAINA:Of course.
CHARLIE:Let's go home, Sasha.
SASHA:Sure, Charlie.
SCAMP:Angel.
ANGEL:Scamp.

(Vult looked at Vullen and smiled at her. Vullen did the same to Vult and
kissed each other).

NINETALESUK:A happy ending.... I think....

THE END.

[Killer]

Sheesh! You weren't kiddin' when you said Angus was insane, ROTFL!